Not many of you

Not many of you should become teachers, my brothers, for you know that we who teach will be judged with greater strictness. - James 3:1

Ugh. I have read this verse over and over. It has permeated my thoughts as J and I prepare our teaching for this Saturday. It bangs me over the head when I wonder what to talk about with my girls on Thursday afternoons. It makes me laugh that laugh that only those who are teachers get when they hear this verse. Greater strictness? No kidding! Ugh

And why, does God see it wise to bring more girls into my life to teach? Doesn't he know I'm already doing a shoddy job in the lives already here? Doesn't he know that I'm already overwhelmed by the giving account that I have to give for these little children? These aren't even my kids, but I feel the weight of them becoming functional adults so heavy on my heart. I need them to hear the gospel more than I need food. It is tempting to ask God why he put me in this time and place. I feel like Moses trying to convince God that I'm not cut out for the job of declaring freedom to the captives.

I had a conversation with God today that wasn't very polite on my end. It was actually kinda bratty. Man, I can be such a toddler sometimes. I have been praying for wisdom about our adoption for weeks. I have been claiming James 1:5 as a promise. I have prayed fervently for wisdom. But I haven't done a  whole lot of listening to God's response. So, I was praying for wisdom in another situation, as I was on my way to meet with one of my girls. And, in my bratty, unbridled tongue way, basically told God I don't think he has given wisdom when I asked in faith about it regarding our adoption, so maybe at least he could give me a little regarding this other situation. I am thankful that  God doesn't strike me down in righteous anger for such presumptions upon his gifts and nature.

After a good productive time with my girl, I came home and sat down to write a post for the Read-Along. I figured I should read James 3 again just so it's fresh in my brain. Or maybe it was more God saying, "read this, I have something for you to learn." James 3:17-18 hit me like a ton of bricks.

But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere. And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.

I have not been living a very wise life. I am asking God for wisdom, and yet the words of my mouth, and thus where my heart is, are not very pure. I have not been making peace. I am FAR from gentle. What is reason? I don't think I have any. I admitted to J last night that I have no mercy left in me. And good fruits? Let's not even head down that road of lack. I see only what I want to see, and how I want to see it. Sarcasm is dripping from my tongue like venom. I am sowing discord, and guess what I'm harvesting...

Again, not many should become teachers.

But God
...has reconciled me to himself, so that he could present me as holy, blameless, above reproach, and steadfastly rooted in him (Col 1:21-23)
...has made me alive in Christ, and adopted me into his family in order to show me the immeasurable riches of his grace (Eph 2:1-10)
...has justified me by grace, as a gift, and has satisfied his wrath against me and washed me clean by the blood of Christ (Romans 3:19-26)
...has poured out richly through Jesus, because of his great mercy, the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit (Titus 3:3-7)

Oh Lord, help me to see the wisdom that you have given richly to me, and to live in it.

What's in a job?

Are jobs strictly the 9-5 (or more than likely 7-7,) makes money, has benefits, something to put on a resume to make me look great to prospective future jobs, commit my life to for better or worse, things that we do to fill our lives with purpose and meaning?  Sadly, most people I talk to think of their job as a necessary evil, and yet treat it like all of those other things.

I have multiple jobs, very few of them pay me in the monetary sense of the word, and most of them make me very happy.  Do I have days where I wish that I had the 9-5, get out of the house and make something of myself kind of job?  Of course.  But I would have to give up so many other jobs to have that, and it doesn't seem like a fair trade.  My full-time, non-stop, best job ever is Wife to the Best Husband on Earth.  This includes the sub-titles of Dog Mom, Future Mom of Baby Johnsons, Housekeeper, Gardener, Chef, Seamstress, Maid, Handylady, Laundress, Plumber, and many other waiting to be discovered talents.  I get paid in kisses, and thank yous, and sometimes chores done by him rather than me (those are the best!)  There are times when I do this job well, and times when I am horribly neglectful, but always I get to keep trying.  And on the days I can't try anymore, I get the day off with no consequences.

I am also Family Caretaker.  This includes baby sitting, taking folks to the doctor, shopping with people because that's their love language, being sous-chef for all family dinners, running errands all over town, and harassing people on FB ('cause harassment is their love language.)  This job is hard because there is part of me that wants to leave and cleave (sometimes to Antarctica) and there is part of me that loves these people and wants to care for their needs like I have for almost 30 years.  OK, well, I can't take credit for the first 5-10 years, it was a pretty one sided, my benefit relationship.  I knew that once I got married that the Wife job would supersede the Family Caretaker job, but I didn't know how hard it would be to find the balance that doesn't exhaust and/or exasperate me.

Then there is the Crazy Person who Loves Crazy High School Girls.  These girls are my heart!  I hurt when they hurt, and their triumphs are my greatest joy.  I am so proud of the women I see them becoming, and I can't help but love them.  This is sometimes frustrating, sometimes exhausting, always rewarding work.  It could be just 2 days a week for a couple hours a day, but sometimes turns into every day, lots of texts (thank God for unlimited texting!) or phone calls, or walks through the zoo, or smoothies and hard questions.  I totally stumbled into this job, and yet God has richly blessed my heart through the beautiful, spastic, talented, emotional, loving creatures that He put in my life!

There is a job I do that makes money.  It isn't consistent, most people wouldn't say that it qualifies as a job, and it definitely doesn't qualify as a job that a lady should be doing. Of course there was a time when the only acceptable jobs that ladies should be doing was nursing or teaching.  And then there was a time in our country when the women had to step up, provide for their children, and take the place of the men who were at war.  They did things that no one thought they could do, and our country survived through the determination of women willing to do whatever needed to be done.  Thankfully, history has taught us that we are stronger than we give ourselves credit for, and capable of doing anything we set our minds and hearts to.

Finally there is the most unknown, misunderstood, unapprecaited job that makes my heart smile almost every day.  This job doesn't have a title, set hours, or anyone I answer to.  It can look like recycling, or watering plants, or asking people how I can pray, or taking care of snacks for preschoolers so that the man who usually does this can get radiation treatments without worry.  It has an infinite number of functions, and it means so much to be able to do it. It's called church, and I love it!

I had a friend say to us the other day "Maybe God is preparing you guys for ministry."  My response, though it sounds so cheesy, was truly from my heart without hesitation, thought, or question.  "We are in ministry, every day, we just don't get paid for it."  I knew what he meant, and it's a possibility.  Though I still can't see how where my paycheck comes from is a determining factor of whether I'm in ministry or not.  I think it all comes back to what is my job, and am I doing it with joy in my heart to the glory of God?