Friday, February 26, 2016

Swirling Brain, Adoption Heart

As we get within hopefully a couple months of meeting our boy, there's a lot swirling in my brain. I've been asked a lot of questions by family, friends, and even strangers. I've been reading a lot about other's adoption journeys and see the things they are being asked. There are two lines of questioning that really stick out to me as most common:

1. Why aren't you adopting locally (city, state, nationally)?
2. Isn't it just so great that you are rescuing (saving, buying) this baby no one wanted?

And both of these questions, or related ones to them, leave me dumbfounded. So much so that I often think of a good response hours or even days later. So, here are my thoughts:

Simply put, we are adopting from China because our son was born in China. We didn't make a value judgment and decide that Chinese children are more desirable, needy, or deserving than American children. Every child needs a loving family to be a part of. We didn't go with the easiest, or least expensive way to adopt. Any way that a child comes to your family is a labor of love. We didn't decide to only consider a child with special needs, or a boy. We left ourselves open to many options when we started on this road again. We don't think international adoption is better or worse than domestic adoption. Each has their own risks and benefits.

We looked at the file of one little boy, and knew in our hearts he wasn't just a boy, but rather he was our boy. And we started running as hard and fast as we could to get him home.

If someday another child joins our family through birth or adoption, they will honor us with their life through any way God sees fit to bring them home.

Our David is so wanted by us. He is not an unwanted child. He is a boy who has a Momma, Daddy, and brother who want so desperately for him to come home that it physically hurts sometimes. He has family and friends praying for him every day, wanting him in their lives. 

Further, he possibly was wanted by his First Mama, but she was unable to remain his parent. We don't know what led to him becoming an orphan: poverty, illness (his or hers), death. Whatever the reasons, they are tragic, but that doesn't necessarily mean that he wasn't wanted by her. 

I don't really think we are rescuing or saving him. I think that was done by the strangers who found him and told the authorities. In his almost 4 years of life, countless people have nurtured him, provided medical care to him, taught him, loved him, laughed with him, and maybe even cried with him. They walked with him through surgery and recovery. They helped him grow into the sweet, independent boy that he is.

And let's be clear, we are not buying a child. That's human trafficking. It is evil. No one has the right to own another human being.

We are paying governmental and private entities in both the United States and China, for the processing of paperwork, verification that we are safe people, training to become better parents, and care of our child. There are a lot of people to talk to, a lot of papers to process, a lot of steps to take, each one with a fee attached and a reason for existing. It's not a scam, although those do exist. It's not shady, although sometimes it's confusing and cultural differences can make it hard. It's not easy, and it shouldn't be. I'm thankful for every frustrating step of this process because it makes me so much more sure that other kiddos are being kept as safe as possible from people who might have nefarious intentions.

I know that I have asked some silly questions of adoptive families, and said some pretty asanine things. But I've grown a lot, mostly by hearing other's hearts. So here is my heart, and my swirly brain, all written down, to help other's grow in understanding the "why?" You're welcome on this journey with us, we can't do it alone. 


  1. Love this, friend. And I can't wait to wear my matching t-shirt. Praying for all of you in the waiting.

  2. Love this post every child is a blessing no matter how they come to you, but until you have went through the process no one really understands it. It is a very unselfish love when a birthmom chooses life and the best thing for her child, a home of love and safety,things she knew she couldn't provide. God doesn't make misstakes, more people need to listen to the whisper He speaks to your heart.