Tuesday, May 25, 2010

To write or not to write, that is the question

I recently started writing what in my head has potential to be a fantasy novel. It has potential in that I can see the characters, imagine their stories, and dream of their world. The problem is I only have one chapter. That's right, one chapter. And I have a great idea for a preface, and basically have the story already in my head ready to go. So, what's the issue? Why only one chapter?

There are so many doubts in my head I think they're getting in the way. This started out as a creative outlet, a way for me to do something just for me since I spend so much time "doing" for everyone else. Then came the question in my brain "could this actually be something?" Then J told me he's secretly hoping that it becomes something amazing, that many more people than just my poor, loving husband read it. Now I read other books and wonder if I can even legitimately count myself in the good-enough-to-be-published-writer category.

Meanwhile I tried to keep it a secret, but my doubts were overwhelming me so I told a few folks. Now I have the added pressure of people asking me how I'm doing on my book, asking me about progress, encouraging me to go to writers' seminars, and so on. I didn't want to tell anyone because I didn't want the pressure and expectations that people who know and love you unwittingly put on you when trying to encourage you. And yet, I needed the encouragement...

Along with that I think if I ould just get a job we would be in a better financial position. BUT, if I get a job, then I don't even have time for basic house work, much less creativity. And here I am encouraging teenagers I know to be creative, let their imaginations come outside of their heads, but I can't seem to harness mine and tame it enough to let it come out in any semblance of order.

So, I sit, staring at a blank screen, hoping to get rolling on a preface that has such a presence in my brain it is almost tangible. How do you write when you can't get the words out fast enough to keep up with the story in your head?