This is how God works. He puts his people in positions where they are desperate for his power, and then he shows his provision in ways that display his greatness. (pg 48)I have read, and re-read, and re-read this chapter, and every time I get to that sentence I have to make myself keep going. This is like a rusty cheese grater to my unsanctifed parts. I don't want to have to be in hard positions. I don't want to be put there by the One who is working the hard positions for my good and His glory. I don't want to rely on God to be sovreign.
I like to talk about how much I trust God. I like to think that I am so capable of serving Him and bringing Him glory. I like to think that I am capable, skilled, and strong enough for anything.
I am the master of my fate; I am the captain of my soul. (William Ernest Henley)No, none of that is true. I don't trust Him as I should. In my own power I can't serve Him. He brings Himself glory. All of my righteousness (skills, confidence, gifts) is filthy rags. He is my light, my strength, my song. He is the master of my fate, He is the Captain of my soul. I am nothing. But I don't want to need Him.
Why don't I trust God to be enough? Why do I feel the need to supliment the gospel, as if the Creator of the universe taking on wrath for my sake is not good enough? Who do I think I am that I could add even one thing to God to make Him better? I see what He has brought me through, how He has utterly resued me, and I am thankful. So why can I not trust Him to guide me through the rest of life, when He has so obviously guided me thus far?
Oh Lord, help to make much of you. Help me to trust your will. Help me to rely on your gift of the Spirit rather than panic. Help me to rest. Help me to see You as you are, so that I see myself in light of You, not the other way around.